


I Still Do

by TheChichiSlaughterHouse



Category: One Piece
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Break Up, Post-Punk Hazard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22716826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChichiSlaughterHouse/pseuds/TheChichiSlaughterHouse
Summary: Roronoa Zoro was on a mission. There was something he had to do right now, no matter what. It was something that had been on his mind for a while, something that had been obvious but he’d been fighting himself over it. Too wrapped up in his emotions to consider the outcome, to think of what was best for the entire crew and what they needed. He wasn’t going to allow his feelings to get the better of him anymore. Tonight he was going to say what he had to say.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 29
Kudos: 111





	I Still Do

**Author's Note:**

> I Still Do
> 
> By The Chichi Slaughter House
> 
> Warnings: ZoroxSanji, pre-established relationship, break up, angst, stress, sexual content.
> 
> Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda.
> 
> Rating: R
> 
> Okay, this was inspired by the song [I Still Do by Why Can’t We](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aniLt2eO0U). The idea came to me the day the song came out and I worked on it over the summer to post when I was gonna stop writing. Little known fact: I only intended to write until the end of August and this was going to be my “see ya later” until the next time I decided to write again. Things didn’t work out how I’d thought though, so this has just been sitting in my docs for like 6 months. I remembered it the other day and asked people on my priv twitter via a poll if I should post it for Valentine’s instead of something else I had. Everyone who answered said yes, so… haha, happy Valentine’s to you I guess.
> 
> Now, you’ve seen the tags so you know what you’re in for. Every time I try to split up Zoro and Sanji so far, I have been unsuccessful because they’ve fought me on it. I didn’t want this to end up as another ‘they’re breaking up but get back together’ fic. I wanted to write it actually ending, so I did.
> 
> So yeah, that’s your warning: this isn’t a happy end. If you don’t want to deal with that then you’re informed and can make the choice to leave. I understand that not everyone enjoys angst on this level or wants to see their OTP split up. For those of you who don’t mind, I hope this is enjoyable and interesting.
> 
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/slaughterchichi) | [Tumblr](http://slaughterchichi.tumblr.com) | [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/slaughterchichi) | [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/slaughterchichi)

Roronoa Zoro was on a mission. There was something he had to do right now, no matter what. It was something that had been on his mind for a while, something that had been obvious but he’d been fighting himself over it. Too wrapped up in his emotions to consider the outcome, to think of what was best for the entire crew and what they needed. He wasn’t going to allow his feelings to get the better of him anymore. Tonight he was going to say what he had to say.

As he’d requested, Sanji was waiting for him right at the front of the ship, in front of the figurehead of the Sunny. It was dark out but he could still make him out clearly, see his face illuminated by the lit cigarette in his hand as the cook turned to face him.

“What did you want to talk about?”

The smile on his face was all too inviting, Zoro’s stomach almost flipping in anticipation for what they usually did when they were alone. Out of sight of the crew, where no one would know and no one would see. That wasn’t what he’d come for this time, though he knew Sanji was expecting it.

Instead of getting closer like he normally would have, the swordsman kept his distance. Took a breath to steady himself and his body, determined to get this out. It wasn’t the first time they’d had a conversation like this – Sanji had tried many times in vain to stop their ‘relationship’ from happening before, always ending up coming back within a few days – but this time it was real. Zoro meant what he was about to say. 

“I can’t do this any more.” Zoro growled, agitated more with himself than anything else. “You’re too distracting. I need to focus on my training.”

Sanji looked at him, trying to appear calm though his surprise and disappointment was written all over his face. Tapping the end of his cigarette off the edge of the ship, Sanji shrugged as he looked away, out at the ocean. Trying to act like he didn’t care, like it meant nothing to him one way or the other.

“Alright, it’s over then.”

Something about Sanji’s posture made Zoro feel guilty, feel like he was being too hasty. This was probably out of the blue for the cook after all. He scratched the back of his head for a moment before stepping closer, grabbing at Sanji’s shoulders.

The cook turned his head to look at him in confusion, his cig in his mouth. Frustrated all over again, the swordsman pulled it from his lips and threw it overboard. He pressed his mouth to Sanji’s where it had rested, tasting tobacco and feeling the warmth that it had left behind. Somewhat burning the flavour and sensation into his memory though he was trying not to.

“This is the last time,” Zoro breathed against Sanji’s lips. “Make the most of it.”

Sanji nodded quietly before kissing him back; all heat and desperation as he clung to Zoro like he was afraid to let him go.

The swordsman tried to ignore it. It didn’t matter now anyway.

\--

The next few days were hard.

Every time Sanji looked in his direction, Zoro would feel a twinge of guilt in his chest. The look in the cook’s eye hadn’t changed; he gazed at Zoro with that same despair, that same longing he’d had when they’d pulled apart. Even if Zoro didn’t want to, his body responded with its own desire, urging him to go to him and tumble him into the nearest surface.

This is why he’d said it in the first place, why he’d ended things. A glance was all it took for him to start to lose himself, to push aside whatever he’d been doing in order to get his hands on him.

The swordsman shook his head and got up from the deck, heading to his training area. Anywhere that Sanji wouldn’t go was good at times like these – it helped to calm his urges. Not by much, not in the way he wanted it to, but it was something.

This whole thing was ridiculous. Why did he now care about such things when they’d never bothered him before? Why did this feel like it was eating at every part of him, trying to crawl out of his skin and go to Sanji itself?

When Zoro got in the room he slammed his fist against the wall.

The pain barely registered, his body feeling anxious with lust in the way he didn’t like, couldn’t control. His head was filled with thoughts of the cook, memories of his face crying out in pleasure. He knew his body had responded already; a tell-tale ache in his crotch that just pissed him off more.

The infatuation was out of hand. More than anything, Zoro regretted giving in to it in the first place. Learning how it felt, exactly what noises and expressions he would get… it just served to make the whole thing worse. To the point where he could imagine it without much effort, could almost feel Sanji’s body entangled with his own.

At times like this, both training and meditation were pointless. All Zoro could do was deal with the problem himself, trying not to think of the cook whenever he touched himself, unable to stop the moment he came to mind.

Agitated beyond all belief, the swordsman sat down on a bench and yanked himself out of his pants. Wondered how long this reaction would last, how long it would take for him to become a rational being once more. One capable of not thinking about sex at the slightest glimpse of blond hair and long legs.

\--

In some ways, time eased his frustration. In others, it just made it worse.

Not seeing Sanji meant he could focus, would be able to train without his thoughts wandering. Meditation was a different issue, so he’d had to give up on it. Getting too angry with himself for failing to keep his mind clear. When left to its own devices his thoughts would wander to what he was missing out on, sending him images of the cook touching himself and whispering his name desperately as he tried to relieve himself, always seeming unsatisfied afterwards.

He’d accidentally seen it just once – Sanji holed away in the men’s quarters on his bed, the cook’s body shaking with every touch as he buried his face in Zoro’s pillow. At the time he’d wanted to slam the door open, pin him down and give him everything he seemed to be yearning for but instead he’d just rushed off, teeth grit and face red as he resisted.

That night he’d come in to fresh sheets, almost no indication that what he’d seen had been true other than the fact that his was the only clean hammock. He’d not said a damn thing as he’d gotten in his bed, ignoring the impulse to look over at Sanji as he slept. Had the distinct impression that he wasn’t asleep at all, not wanting to confirm his suspicions by meeting that blue stare. If he had, he’d just have given in right then and there.

He couldn’t even look at Sanji since. Avoided it with every fibre of his being.

Even when they were eating in the galley he wouldn’t look at him, barely acknowledged his voice when Sanji spoke to him, just responding with grunts.

They’d stopped fighting, stopped arguing. Though he would normally have provoked Sanji at a moment’s notice, he couldn’t do it any more. Instead whenever he heard him being an idiot he would just leave, let him say and do whatever stupid shit he felt like. As he should always have done: not let it get to him, not try to get his attention.

Because that’s what it had always been. Pissing Sanji off and making fun of him had been to draw his gaze, distract him from the things Zoro found unpalatable. Why waste time fawning over women like an idiot when there had been better things to do? Why not take the opportunity to train together, become stronger by fighting at every opportunity that presented itself? Arguing with the cook had always been something like that for him – a way to keep testing himself at any moment, to keep pushing his body so he could better himself.

Eventually it had degraded into some weird form of jealousy, a way to just stop Sanji from doing what he wanted to look at Zoro instead. The fights had changed from a different form of training to an excuse to touch him, to watch his body twist and lash out while savouring the knowledge that it was just for him.

It had been a fight that set this whole thing in motion; Zoro pinning Sanji against a wall with a blade right up against his neck, watching as Sanji’s chest heaved from exertion while he held one of his thighs tightly in his hands. He couldn’t remember who had started it but all of a sudden they were kissing, grinding their bodies against one another and ripping at each other’s clothes. The cook a more than willing participant – unlike what he’d imagined he’d be like – as he pushed into every touch and groaned in his ear.

Sex had always happened after fights from that point; one of them always finding a way to pin the other to ‘end’ it. Eventually they didn’t even use fighting as the precursor, one just grabbing the other and dragging them somewhere private to push them down and let their bodies take over.

So even when the cook started provoking him in front of the others, Zoro just ignored him. Tried to let the insults roll off of him like they were water off a duck’s back, though all he wanted was to get in the bastard’s pretty face and yell at him. But arguing would lead to fighting, and fighting would inevitably end up with them panting and gasping as they clung to each other’s skin.

Fighting with him was too risky now. Zoro knew he’d just wind up losing control all over again.

\--

The main problem with stopping their battles was that it left the swordsman even more frustrated than just not having sex would have.

Now his body craved Sanji in more than just one way; not only longing for his legs wrapped around him but the collision of them against his body, causing him pain. Avoiding him completely meant he lost both his sexual outlet and his method of finding satisfaction through violence. His way of testing how far along his training was getting him, what things he needed to improve on to become stronger.

It had never truly occurred to Zoro just how much he relied on the cook for his own improvement before but now he couldn’t even deny it. His lack of focus during training grew worse as his body protested the denial of the exercise it was used to; leaving him feeling agitated all the time instead of calmer like he’d been hoping. No amount of training ever felt like enough, his body not being pushed to its usual limits from workouts alone.

Zoro ended up spending more and more time in his training room to try and match that need, distancing himself from the rest of the crew.

\--

The only occasions where Zoro wasn’t in his training room now were when he was eating or sleeping in the men’s quarters. Though he used to be able to sleep anywhere, he couldn’t do it on the deck anymore. Napping on the bench in the training room was quickly becoming impossible: the hard edges of it agitating him as his body longed to work out. Settling down to sleep there was annoying; Zoro eventually giving up and deciding to nap in the men’s quarters instead.

At least there it was quiet for most of the day – it was unoccupied except for night time, when everyone would go to sleep. Now more than ever, the swordsman was grateful that their sleeping patterns were so varied – it meant less chances of bumping into the damned cook.

Zoro climbed into his hammock, eager to squeeze in another sleep before he’d have to get up in time for dinner. He was irritable enough as it was without sleep deprivation on top of it. Though the crew tried to talk to him sometimes he could tell they were doing it with caution; not wanting to piss him off or make him yell.

Since he’d ended things with Sanji almost everything had him on edge – he’d get annoyed by almost anything, even if it was the crew’s normal antics. When he’d shouted at the younger Strawhats for simply being excited, Zoro had realised just how bad he’d gotten; apologising briefly before removing himself from their sight. He was ashamed of his own behaviour but there was nothing else he could do about it now - just hope that over time he’d calm down again, be able to engage with them without losing his temper.

As he closed his eye and made himself comfortable under his sheets, Zoro heard the sound of the door opening. A quick glance in that direction showed him blond hair and he had to hold back a groan of frustration as he realised that Sanji had come in here too. Maybe it would be a quick visit to get changed or pick something up – nothing to worry over.

The thought was over as soon as it had come, the swordsman sensing that Sanji had stopped in place and was just looking over at him. Zoro fought down the flush that wanted to build in his face as he realised what it was that he had actually come in here to do, prevented by him actually being in his bed for once.

Zoro opened his eye to see Sanji staring at him, seeming nervous and excited. The cook just smiled uncomfortably at him, his hands fiddling at his clothes.

“…Hey.” Now that he was obviously still awake, Sanji greeted him. Trying to start conversation or perhaps something else from the way he was acting, like he was hoping for something else. Despite the fact that Zoro had told him it wouldn’t happen again, despite the fact that he’d been very clearly avoiding him all this time.

This was dangerous. Being alone in a room with Sanji was going to test him but Zoro didn’t want to leave. He’d come in here for a nap and he was damn well going to take one. Training without resting his body was not going to yield him any results if he kept this up long-term, and ever since they’d gotten to the New World he’d felt the need to improve more than ever. He simply couldn’t walk away right now.

“Do it in your own bed.” He scowled, not breaking eye contact. Sanji’s face turned red faster than Zoro could follow it, the cook’s eyes going wide as he opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out. Clearly stunned that Zoro had noticed what he’d been doing, though it was damn well obvious. The swordsman never made his own bed after he’d slept, rarely changed his sheets – he only used them for three hours a night, it barely made them dirty at all – so when he would come in to fresh sheets and a tidy hammock he would’ve guessed the reason even if he hadn’t seen it.

The cook just stood there, red in the face. Caught out and unsure what to do about it, like he had something to say but wouldn’t bring himself to do it.

Agitated, Zoro sat up and ripped the case off his own pillow, throwing it at Sanji’s face. Sanji caught it with a hand, looking surprised.

“Use that if you want, just don’t bother me.”

Instead of insults or the item being flung back at him, Zoro was taken aback by the cook nodding in silence and clutching it in his hands. He’d expected it to cause an argument, for Sanji to scream at him that he didn’t need his pity or to deny that he’d been doing anything with Zoro’s bed in the first place.

As Sanji slipped onto his own bed, Zoro turned away. Tried to block out what was about to happen just a few metres away from him, though his ears were straining to catch any noise. Betraying him. His body was disobeying him as well; his cock hardening despite himself, though nothing had even happened yet. Just knowing it was going to was driving him crazy but he was too stubborn to just leave, to get out of there.

When he heard the noise of Sanji’s zipper, Zoro grit his teeth. He could tell Sanji was trying to keep quiet but he could hear him anyway; the slight swaying of the other hammock causing the one beneath it to shake as well, the cook’s muffled voice still leaking into his ears. Just from the sounds alone he could tell where Sanji was touching, what he was doing to himself. He didn’t need to look to know the pillowcase was pressed to his face, to know Sanji was probably facing him and looking at his back.

Unable to stop himself, he turned back over.

Sanji’s eyes were closed but he was definitely facing in his direction. His clothes were a mess, his pants around his ankles while he stroked up and down on himself, his body shaking as he moved his hips. Zoro knew he was staring, berated himself for it in his head but he couldn’t turn his gaze away. Couldn’t stop taking in the sight before him, his own hand pressed against his crotch though he was trying not to.

There was a hitch of breath as Sanji opened his eyes, as hazy and full of pleasure as Zoro remembered. The swordsman gripped at himself tightly, whether he was trying to touch himself or just contain it even he didn’t know. After a moment, the cook laughed softly into the pillowcase, pulling it from his mouth and smirking.

“You’re bothering yourself, from the look of it.” Even as he spoke Sanji didn’t stop stroking, pushing his hips further forward into his hand, licking at his bottom lip. He kicked his trousers off of one ankle and brought his leg to his chest, holding it by the knee as he let go of his cock and brought his other hand to his lips. “You can watch if you want, I don’t care.”

Zoro felt frozen in place, like he couldn’t move. Sanji started sucking on his fingers, maintaining eye contact with him as he parted them and flicked his tongue between them. Teasing him directly, on purpose. A provocation and a challenge all rolled into one.

When Sanji lowered his fingers and pushed them into himself, he let out a groan that made Zoro jerk in place. He couldn’t move his gaze away, watching as the cook fucked himself with his fingers, staring at him with his mouth slightly open and his chest heaving.

“Mm, feels… good…”

The swordsman didn’t know when he’d started moving his own hand, touching himself through his clothes.

“Don’t cum in your pants,” Sanji gasped, moving his fingers more roughly. His voice was breathy with need, sending a flush of heat straight to the swordsman’s groin. “Get over here already!”

Zoro pushed himself up into a sitting position, his breathing heavy. The conflict of feelings rushing through him was pissing him off, making him unsteady. His body was itching to do as Sanji said; climb onto the cook’s bed, slam inside him, fuck the hell out of him for being such a nasty little tease. For doing this sort of thing right in front of him, for trying to force him to lose control. His mind was split on the matter; he shouldn’t do that, shouldn’t give in when he’d been trying so damn hard this entire time to get rid of these emotions – but at the same time the bastard deserved it, needed to be taught a lesson. Needed to be fucked until he couldn’t take it anymore, wouldn’t want it ever again and would leave Zoro alone.

Before he really knew what he was doing, the swordsman was standing right beside Sanji’s hammock, looking down at him. Sanji looked right back at him, panting for breath as he shifted onto his back. The smug look in his eyes was just making Zoro more angry, more agitated.

Yanking his pants down at the front, Zoro climbed onto the hammock and straddled Sanji’s chest. He wasn’t going to give him what he wanted, wasn’t going to let him control him like this. He grabbed Sanji’s head with both hands, pushing his cock against his lips. Sanji’s eyes widened as he glanced up to his face, obviously surprised and nervous. He knew Sanji hated doing this but he didn’t care.

The second Sanji opened his mouth, Zoro shoved his cock inside and dug his fingers into the back of his head. Didn’t waste any time in thrusting his hips, roughly moving in and out of his throat. He could hear Sanji whimper as he watched his eyes close again, could feel him gagging slightly but he didn’t stop; moving a hand to hold onto the wood as he leaned further forward and kept going.

“You want this, don’t you? Show me how much.” Zoro growled, the hand at the back of Sanji’s head fisting in his hair. Sanji’s hands grabbed at his back tightly, shaking against him. Trying to steady them both, though he knew the cook didn’t want to do this and was just trying to appease him. Zoro would have suspected he was trying to pull him away if he was making any move to do so, but Sanji was just clinging to him, his lips tightening around him as he kept his teeth back.

Instead of being pleased by it, Zoro was just getting more pissed off. He’d expected some form of resistance, some indication that Sanji would fight him on this. The damn idiot hadn’t even tried to kick him, though he knew he was more than capable of it in this position. The lack of a foot in his spine was annoying, as was the swallowing he could feel on his length. It felt good but that wasn’t the point, wasn’t what he was trying to do.

At this point the swordsman wasn’t sure who he was angry at.

Frustrated even further, Zoro let go of Sanji’s head and violently pushed it back against the pillow. As the cook looked up at him with tears at the edges of his eyes and his mouth open as he gasped for air, the guilt at what he was doing slammed Zoro in the chest.

Sitting back on Sanji’s torso, Zoro slapped his hand to his face, covering his eyes.

“Goddammit.” His voice was quiet, even to himself. “Don’t push me like this!”

“I don’t get you.” Sanji sounded as frustrated as Zoro felt. His voice was pained, though it was unclear whether it was from how rough Zoro had been with him or because of his emotions. “You say you wanna end it then you stare at me all the time. You ignore me completely but somehow know exactly what I’ve been up to. You won’t leave when I come in to do this, stick your dick in my mouth and then blame me??”

“I know!” Zoro shouted so loud that he could hear his voice echoing off of the walls. His fingers were digging painfully into his temples, his teeth gritting in frustration at himself. He knew he was being contradictory, knew that his inability to just act like he used to was making this difficult on them both. If he could only pretend not to be affected then everything might have been alright – they could have gone back to the way things were, acted like the trysts had never happened – but it was almost impossible. When it came to Sanji he couldn’t help himself, couldn’t resist his own urges. Just having him close by all the time was driving him insane.

“What the fuck do you want from me?!” Sanji was almost yelling now, his hands digging into Zoro’s back. Neither trying to pull him nor push him away; just clinging to him tightly, like he was afraid he was about to run off and leave things like this. “Just tell me, for god’s sakes!”

Zoro could hear the desperation in Sanji’s tone loud and clear. Felt like it matched his own, guilt rushing through him even more. Why was he making them both suffer like this? When it was obvious that it wasn’t doing any good for either of them, just making everything more complicated and uncomfortable for everyone else as well? He wanted to take it back, get all the things he’d been missing out on and fix this mess, but it felt far too late to back down. Roronoa Zoro was a man of his word; that’s what he set out to be, what he felt others expected of him. He couldn’t go back on it now.

“Just leave me alone.” Zoro grumbled as he shoved himself off the bed, Sanji’s fingers pulling his clothes from his skin until he’d stood up. As he tucked his penis back into his trousers – flaccid from his mix of emotions – Zoro rolled his shoulders to try and relieve some of the tension in them. “That’s what I told you to do from the start.”

Sanji didn’t say anything but he didn’t have to; even without looking Zoro could feel his stress and disappointment in the air, the anger having seemed to be swallowed by his desperation at that point. He could tell Sanji wanted to reach out for him again but he knew he was holding himself back, likely not sure how to process being rejected again after all this.

Instead of waiting for the cook to think of some kind of response, Zoro turned away from him and immediately walked towards the door. He didn’t even look behind him as he opened it and stepped out, slamming it shut as he all but ran away. There was no way he was going to be able to nap right now, not after that.

\--

As Zoro had been hoping, Sanji avoided him after that. Didn’t talk to him at dinner, wouldn’t even so much as look at him when he walked by. Zoro should have been happy about the change in behaviour but all it was doing was making him feel guilty. He thought this was what he’d wanted but now that he had it, he was realising just how wrong he was.

It felt so uncomfortable to be ignored like this.

Now he could understand why Sanji had been so frustrated and confused by what he’d been doing. Why he’d been trying in his own way to make it go back to how it was before giving up and attempting to lure him into sex instead. Right now everything felt so empty and pointless, as though all the colour in the world had gone out. He could still see the colours but they felt dimmed, like they had lost their meaning.

When he was with the others, Sanji still smiled. To Zoro seeing it was akin to being trapped under ice, seeing the sun shining brightly in the sky for everyone else but not for him. His own fault, caused by his decision to end things.

At least he could train now. Both meditation and physically without thoughts of Sanji and getting him into bed distracting him. Instead it just plagued him whilst he was on deck, whenever the cook was around. He could still remember those small smiles Sanji used to give him, the knowing ones where he seemed to be saying ‘you’re the only one who knows me like this’. Zoro missed those more than the bright ones he flashed to other members of the crew, knowing it was something that only happened between the pair of them.

Was it worth losing what he had in order to become stronger? Zoro didn’t know. All he could do now was hope that it would pay off, that it would get him the results he needed. There were things more important than a frivolous romance or having sex: their dreams had to be placed first, given the most priority. Anything that could get in the way of that was too risky.

No matter what, he was a man of his word. Even if he wanted to ask for forgiveness and for things to go back to how they were, he wasn’t going to.

Roronoa Zoro had made his bed. Now he was going to have to lie in it.


End file.
